The Weight of Perfection
Photographer: Ally Freidly (@allisonfreidly)
We find ourselves living in a world that claims to embrace imperfections and accept flaws, while simultaneously incessantly reminding us that we could always look better. Every media outlet is shoving beautification rituals and not-so-subtle reminders that we are simply not good enough down our throats. You could always be prettier. You could always be skinnier. You could always have a bigger butt and a smaller waist. Drink slim tea, buy bronzing drops, do Pilates, get Botox, get filler, shrink yourself, grow yourself, love yourself, be body positive but don't change a thing—it is never-ending.
During my sophomore year of college, I fell into this confusing and self-afflicting mess of what I thought I should look like. Indulging in the overwhelming realm of social media, the endless stream of algorithmic confidence-crushing content introduced me to new insecurities that I never even knew existed. As a result, I was subconsciously persuaded to lose weight. At first, it was just cutting calories and working out more, but it slowly turned into much more than that.
I began to track every calorie, to the point where I was counting my ketchup packets and had developed a fear of bagels. I worked out in my room every day until I felt like I was going to pass out. And if I ever felt like I ate too much food that day, I would force myself to purge my meals. It was a perpetual cycle of misery.
Yes, I was the skinniest I had ever been, but I was also the unhealthiest and most depressed I had ever been in my entire life. I was in and out of hospitals, constantly nauseous, exhausted and irritable. My skin was sallow and pitted, my hair was falling out in chunks and I could no longer keep food down no matter how hard I tried. I was deteriorating from the inside out. And I did all of this for what? So I could lose a couple of pounds? So I could look like the girls on social media who were born with “perfect” bodies? So I could look like how society thinks I should? I look back at little Maddie from sophomore year and think, “What on earth was I doing?”
I was eventually able to break the cycle and find a path to recovery, but it’s scary to think that my eating disorder almost took my life. Almost 10,200 deaths every year are the result of an eating disorder: about one death every 52 minutes. With eating disorders being the second deadliest mental illness, I began to wonder why so many individuals like myself are willing to risk their health to achieve the ideal beauty standard. It’s simple; we aren’t. No one is ever really forced to change their physical appearance, but they sure are persuaded into it, whether they realize it or not.
Photographer: Ally Freidly (@allisonfreidly)
“Truthfully, fashion trends have been affecting body image for as long as I can remember,” says Diane Dragus Zets, a professor at Kent State University’s School of Media and Journalism. “Heroin chic”—a look made famous by Kate Moss—made its return in 2022, “and suddenly every girl and woman wanted to look like a size double zero,” Zets says. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the Brazilian Butt Lift, most commonly referred to as BBL, has been on everyone’s minds this year, with every media outlet raving about the cosmetic surgery and every influencer having gone under the knife to get the famed hourglass shape. The procedure has the highest mortality rate of any cosmetic surgery, yet it has surged more than 800% over the last decade. Not only do BBLs come with dangerous risks, but they also rack up hefty medical bills upwards of $10,000.
Most girls my age dream of having the unrealistic hourglass body type, which can be achieved through a BBL, but only because social media has preyed on our adolescent minds and manipulated us into thinking something is wrong with the way we look. We never grew up thinking, “If my waist was just four inches smaller, and my butt was just three inches bigger, I could be happy,” until society told us exactly that. What does having a slimmer waist and larger backside actually do for us? Nothing. Yet, it’s all we can think about.
The same can be said for a rhinoplasty, commonly known as a nose job. Some individuals get the plastic surgery procedure done to enhance breathing, but most get it done to change the shape of their nose completely. An argument can be made that people get nose jobs to improve their self-confidence, but why should the shape or size of your nose lessen your beauty or the way you interact with the world? Lip fillers are another beauty alteration that has been so normalized by countless people on TikTok. Users have vocalized that large lips are more physically attractive than small ones. Image-altering apps like Facetune and beauty filters on popular social media platforms have made it even easier to trick us into believing that what we see online is real, but it isn’t. Fillers and beauty filters are so commonplace that in one ten-minute scroll through the “For You Page” you can start convincing yourself that anyone who is anyone has to have luscious lips, small button noses and perfectly sculpted jawlines.
Photographer: Ally Freidly (@allisonfreidly)
It is no surprise that children, too, have fallen victim to the cursed idea that they should religiously follow the obscure beauty trends that cycle through the internet. Our society has become so warped that 10-year-olds are going to Sephora to purchase Glossier brow gel to recreate the feathered brow look, Freck Beauty to dab on some faux freckles or lash serum to grow their eyelashes. The practice of children buying fun, little makeup products sounds less extreme than undergoing cosmetic procedures, but it is still a form of manipulation that has been implemented by toxic beauty standards. Corrupting young minds with the constant need for perfection is so normalized to the point that they are more worried about their appearance than what game they are going to play at recess.
For so long, we have gone along with societal standards telling us what is right and what is wrong, what is beautiful and what is unattractive, but it doesn’t have to be like this forever. Social movements such as the body positivity movement or the body neutrality movement are working overtime to eradicate the you-should-change-everything-about-yourself movement. The body positivity movement encourages the inclusion of all body types while celebrating the functionality of the human form rather than the physical appearance. The body neutrality movement is a slightly different approach in the sense that it is okay to neither love nor hate your body, but rather just accept it for what it is: a body. Both movements strive to remind individuals that the beauty ideal is not absolute, but subjective. Society’s standards for what is “perfect” are ever-changing and utterly impossible to attain, so why not give two middle fingers to every beauty standard ever created and live your life without a care in the world? I know this is easier said than done, but you have to admit the thought of it is liberating.
I would love to sit here and tell you that I am 100% cured, and the weight of beauty standards no longer affects me, but I would be lying. I look back at pictures of myself from sophomore year and reminisce about the way I used to look, but I am quickly reminded of my mental state and how I was the lowest I had ever been. I remember how weak I felt, how desolate I was, and I promised myself that I would never put myself in that situation ever again. That alone gives me the strength to move forward and share my story in hopes of showing others that no beauty standard is worth risking your life over.